- David Keirsey, Please Understand Me II
The Idealists’ desire that their relationships be deep and meaningful (that is, intense, enduring, and all-important in their lives) is very much in evidence in the way they go about dating. NFs do not usually choose to play the field to any great extent, but prefer to go out with one person at a time and to explore the potential for special closeness in each relationship. Never casual or occasional about dating, NFs typically look past surface relations to more deeply-felt connections, and they lose interest rather quickly with dates wihch center around social events and physical activities. Idealists can enjoy this skin-deep sort of date for a while, of course, but they usually try to find their own kind of enjoyment as the evening wears on. At parties, for example, NFs will often look for a quiet corner where they can talk with their date (or someone else) on a more personal, intimate level. And at amusement parks or sporting events, Idealists will eventually separate themselves mentally from the rides, the sights, and the action, and begin to observe people around them, wondering about their personalities and fantasizing about their personal lives.
For INFJs, ‘still waters run deep.’ They tend to become attracted to someone special and prefer this one deep relationship over many superficial ones. The depth of involvement and feeling that the INFJ has toward loved ones is only partially communicated outward. At times, when alone, INFJs become truly in touch with the depth of the love they have for their partner. They may not openly demonstrate or even verbalize their intense feelings. INFJs often have an ideal standard of what love is. They hold to their ideal and are disappointed when, inevitably, their relationship and/or mate reveals flaws. INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular ‘date,’ revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner.
INFJs want to give love and to be loved. They enter into relationships just to be cared for, even when the person is not right for them and they suspect it. However, when they meet that special person, they are quick to get into the relationship and make it a serious one. They will end their other relationships in order to pursue their loved one. They become very focused, intense, and direct in that pursuit.
INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, ‘people can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behaviour or not recognizing it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them —- I’m not able to.’ INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination.
by Sandra Krebs Hirsch and Jean Kummerow
"I’m feeling a little more introvertive lately."
"I couldn’t sleep last night."
Every word is a silent plead for salvation, calling you to push past the barrier. When I brush these things off, when I change the subject, I want you to fight against it.
Ridiculous? Maybe. But I’m not going to go out of my way to ask for your help. I only tell you things when you ask. I only want to be helped when you do it out of your own will.
It’s not even help that I want—I simply want you to notice. I want you to dig deeper. I don’t want to have to point things out for you to see. I want you to raise one eyebrow and realize that something is different.
I want you to recognize a look on my face. I want you to feel every word that I say.
I want to know that you understand, even when I say nothing— that’s how I know that I can trust you, irrevocably, endlessly, unconditionally. That’s how I know that you’re different— a person of substance, of thought, of intuition.
I want a place in your mind, as you have a place in mine.
I ask myself this all the time (via lonexwxlf)
duyeeendiep said: Omg Erika I love your poems and your entire blog <3_<3
I love you Duyen hehe <3 And your blog! MISS YA MUCHO MI AMIGA :-)
It’s been four hours of lying awake here. I can’t bear with my own mind. I need to stop feeling like this. I can’t escape my own thoughts. I want to sleep. I want to feel safe again.
But I can’t.
I do not like to be smothered or pressured into defining what I feel.
Leave me be; I will tell you that I love you when I feel it so.
I will talk to you when I feel that it is natural for my words to come out.
I will distance myself when I feel that I cannot emotionally invest myself in anything for awhile.
I will give you the best of me— that I will. But be patient until then, for sometimes I need time to decipher my own complexity of what I feel and of what I think.
If you do not understand my temporary withdrawals; if you do not understand how I sometimes am within and without; you will be confused, and it will hurt you.
If you do not understand; I will withdraw completely. I need empathy. I need you to know what I am just as I know what you are.
Please don’t question it. Let me wander and find my way back to you.
I’m tired of my impatient and restless ramblings about whom I will love.
I crave a love so pure that I am frightened of its fabrication by means of my own fantasies. I am afraid that I am constructing a love like I construct the characters of my stories. Am I writing out of hopeless desire? Is it impossible? No, I do not believe so. If I exist, there must be another soul out there that exists just the same.
I am placing the entirety of my hope into the variety of the future. I am placing the entirety of my trust into the coincidences of fate and the will of God.
I want to give all my capabilities of love and dedicate all the contents of what I am to one; but, I am constantly steering myself away from those around me— I am saying, “No, this isn’t it. This just isn’t it.”
I just feel as if the one will feel different from the rest. I do not know what I am searching for; I just know that if the person is the one— I will know.
I believe in soul mates. But is that silly of me, to think accordingly? I am waiting for something more. I am also holding onto the uncertain future. Do I search? Do I settle? Do I wait? I don’t know. I. don’t. know.
I need that sensibility for the world; I need that passion for knowledge; I need that capacity for love; I need that threshold for happiness; I need that dedication for eternal loyalty; I need that integrity for genuine empathy.
I am stubborn.
I am waiting, and I will wait.
I now refuse
to ever complete something knowing that I could have done better.
I will not let myself
look back at something wishing that I had tried harder.