I am overwhelmed with things I ought to have written about and never found the proper words.
Virginia Woolf, Diaries Volume One 1915-1919 (via larmoyante)
21/9/2014 . 5,937 notes . Reblog
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Anonymous said: You should be ashamed of yourself.

Why?

18/9/2014 . 1 note . Reblog

ghost-dicks said: Hi this is probably weird to ask but I'm in AP calc AB and I saw your post on the tag and the class gets me really really depressed cause I don't know anything and derivatives are hard as heck and I don't know what to do do you have any study tips or anything you'd recommend doing because I have multiple APs and AP calc is gonna push me overboard

Hello! Not weird at all. As a veteran of Calculus AB, I’m definitely here for you.

Before anything: it gets better. Let me tell you a few things about my experience to let you know I turned out alright. I was on the verge of a C in Calculus, and later I pulled off a B in both semesters. Barely, though. I wanted to run away and cry and I felt so damn depressed all the time. So, it’s normal. Once you get to integrals, you kind of want to just hide from all of your responsibilities. 

Calculus became my everything, and was on my mind all the time. You’re on derivatives? Take the time to sort out the different methods in which you can approach a derivative problem. Remember the different trig functions. Know how to differentiate weird radicals. Memorize the formula for deriving absolute values. Know exactly what to do for the first derivative test and second derivative test and know the relevance of each. 

It’s inevitable— you’re going to give up your mind and time. What’s going to help you is knowing the facts. Know the formulas and don’t forget them, trust me. Put them on a notecard. Do your homework. Make sure you’ve mastered each part of the lesson. Don’t fall behind. Plus, Calculus works in a weird way that some formulas have some meaning to them that you have to remember. The difference between a secant and a tangent. How the derivative is actually the velocity when you’re working with related rates. 

Personally, I did fall behind. I stopped trying because I felt lost in an unending abyss of confusion. I had 4 other AP classes as well… But ultimately it comes to the exam. My Calculus teacher must be accredited for his preparation. We basically had to print ALL the past FRQ’s and answers and completed them. He made us take practice tests and they were graded and inputted to our grade. We spent about a month and a half of this kind of preparation. If your teacher doesn’t do this, you’re really going to have to put some self commitment in here.

I would also save Calculus for last when doing my homework, only because I think really really deeply when I do my Calculus homework and it takes forever. You have to make sure you go through the mental struggle to overcome every problem. Before every chapter test, I would make my own study guide and write down ALL the formulas I needed to know and some sample problems that were on the test. I had a sheet for each chapter. It helped me get an overview of some kind of tangibility of what I was learning.

It’s always hard in the beginning. But, seriously, after doing the same thing over and over (because derivatives definitely don’t go away), you get the hang of it. If you have any questions you can always ask me. You can do it! :3

16/9/2014 . 2 notes . Reblog

Another day

of raised voices

of hate embedded between words

of painful uncertainty

of overwhelming numbing of emotions

of passionate glares of distrust

of relentless threats

of moral injustice 

of disillusioned expectations for perfection

of imminent death’s reminders 

of screams for an escape

of loneliness

of silence

of concealing

of wishing for the end.

12/9/2014 . 3 notes . Reblog

Tapestry - Hillsong United (Acoustic)

12/9/2014 . 2 notes . Reblog
19,955 plays

audfuturewolfgangkillthemall:

Islands | The xx

I am yours now

So I don’t ever have to leave.

7/9/2014 . 3,046 notes . Reblog
Life is fragile:

I’m deeply disappointed in myself for forgetting this unutterable fact: life is fragile.

I’ve been oblivious to the idea that life is not ultimately in our power, but victim to the occurrences of fate, destiny, and even the will of God. We breathe out life as easily as we breathe it into ourselves; there exists an inexplicable cycle of the two extremes— the ebb and flow of happiness and sadness. 

I feel older than my years because I’ve been aged by my private experiences; I feel yet due to their manifestation inside my thoughts. Seldom do I speak about them and so that is why they gnaw away at the contents of all that I am until I am empty.

We take too much for granted. Is this what it takes to remind myself of death’s sting?

I was too young to understand when it was happening to my mother, far too young to fathom the complexities of this life; but, I understand now. The idea of life’s fragility is distasteful and makes me uneasy— I must vow to live my life thoroughly— and I cannot seem to come into terms of accepting it so. 

The change in ambiance; the thinning of facial structures; the sudden weak, soft voice; the relentless difficulty of sitting up; the addition of another empty room in the house; the fading smiles; the pitiful stares into your own eyes; the anticipation as you stand in the elevator, waiting for your floor to come; I now feel these occurrences etched into my depths of my skin; I now feel the sting of its chisel wearing away at my spirit.

It is painful to live two separate realities. If they were to merge, I am afraid at which reality would dominate the other. I am consumed by my silence.

7/9/2014 . 4 notes . Reblog
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It’s getting harder to keep it all inside:

Pain is more intensely felt than any other emotion I am capable of feeling. I struggle to deal with pain privately as I wonder these few things:

How am I supposed to act normal to my outer world in the midst of personal tragedies? How well should I conceal my personal emotional disparities and the ongoing events of my life? 

Most of the time, I keep the details of my life private from my society. But in some way, I feel superficial. When I’m acting normal or happy, I feel that I’m presenting myself in a false way. I know what’s actually happening; but, what is the use of genuinely displaying my sense of depression or sorrow? It will do others no good; I never, ever want to seem that I seek for attention but suffering in silence is killing my spirit. Some things in life are inevitable and there is no way to help. 

Tonight, I want to burst out screaming and yelling at the top of my lungs.

But I won’t.

6/9/2014 . 5 notes . Reblog
I am lonely. I’ve been like that since I was young. But I think I am a person that needs to be lonely.
Choi Seunghyun (via larmoyante)
2/9/2014 . 10,724 notes . Reblog